Allow me to explain.
My little episodes started a day or two ago. I was coming back to the hair salon, and was explaining my music tastes to someone. "I mean, I know everyone thinks it's weird and all that I listen to Evanescence, Breaking Benjamin, Eminem, Frank Sinatra, and Beethoven, but as far as I'm concerned, if I like it, I listen to it." I was then asked if I listened to any normal bands.
To that I answered that of course I did. Coldplay, OneRepublic, and The Fray, are all band favorites of mind. As if on cue, the song How To Save A Life came on the radio. It is possibly one of the saddest songs that I've ever heard. My companion mentioned how they didn't like it because it was so depressing. "It's like a breakup."
I then proceeded to explain the music video. For all you people who don't know, I would watch it. It basically shows a bunch of grieving kids, and ties in a bunch of "steps" to get over the grief and loss of the parent or friend. It is the one video that has brought tears to my eyes. And as I was explaining the video, I once again felt the tears coming.
"And...the kids....they're just...so...sad..." I gasped as tears poured down my cheeks, "You can see it...in their eyes....oh my god...I can't even...and I want...to help...I dunno..." I lay my head down between my legs and sobbed. Literally sobbed. Just the thought of all that pain and grief and death really hit me. And I've never been the one for things to affect me. Not like that.
After my little crying episode, I went home and flopped down, still trying not to cry. I got ahold of myself by thinking about all of my life's problems and how really they were so small and insignificant compared to others. Well, I clearly was giving out the wrong vibe, and was promptly handed a poem that basically said that I deserved to be here and the universe was unfolding the way it should.
This poem is called "The Desiderata" and they guy who wrote this was an attorney who turned into a philosopher at some point in his life. I forget his name, but I have to give it to him for writing such an amazingly touching and inspirational piece of work. If you've never read it, look it up. Right now. Seriously. It will change your life.
I was tearing up at "You are the child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars" and lost it at "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world". I feel like people forget that even though it's messed up, there's so much beauty and inspiration to be found. The way the clouds roll across the sky. The quiet hour of dawn, when all is at peace and not quite awake. The dew-drops on blades of glass, and how they seem to hold tiny rainbows of light.
I read this line over and over, thinkign of all of the beauties of the world, and how, if one can look that much closer, they can find pure beauty among the darkness. I used to be able to say that poetry had never made me cry. Now, I can take that off of my accomplishments, because I was a puddle of tears by the time I finally put the poem down.
I'm not gonna lie when I say that I hate sappy stuff, and being a sap is not something I exactly strive to be. Yet, letting a few tears loose at little beauties and sadness seems to have heightened my awareness in the world. No one likes or understands the big picture, so we might as well work on the details instead of sit back and criticize the art piece that was given to us.
Now I'm going to end this post for no other reason than I don't want to turn into a sobbing mess after writing something truly poetic about our broken yet beautiful world. A real negative about sappiness is it sneaks up on you, and I'm worred